Connie and Kristine have both posted some interesting things on being a transracial family. This is an interesting topic to me for many different reasons. First let me share a story with you.
My mother was born in Indonesia and is of Indonesian/Dutch descent on her mothers’ side and Indonesian and Turkish decent on her father’s side. Here is a picture of my mother.
My mother is listed as white on my birth certificate. She is not white. She is biracial maybe? Or Asian. How in the world those nuns at the hospital got away with listing my little brown skinned mother with almond eyes as white I will never know!! But for whatever reason I never considered my mother not white, or myself for that matter! I am not kidding. When I was growing up, not white meant that you were either black/African American or Hispanic. In the part of the northeast where I grew up there were cities and towns predominately populated by one ethnic group. Chicopee was mostly people of Polish decent, the south end was Italian, Hungry Hill was Irish, Ludlow was Portuguese, the North End Puerto Rican. It wasn’t until I was twenty-five years old when someone said to me directly that I wasn’t white! An African American coworker and I were talking about our families and I mentioned my mothers ethnic background to which she replied “Your not white!” I have to be honest and say this was a shock to me. I told her that yes I was white. My Dad is a tall really white Irish guy, and my Mom is Asian. She looked at me like I had lost my mind. I just kind of stood there not knowing what to say. I never considered being Asian as not being white?!?!
As a family we celebrated all the usual American holidays, We went to my Oma’s (Grandmothers) but instead of turkey or ham we had Indonesian food. On July 4th we had chicken and beef sate, rice and curry veggies. I always loved this food, and as a child I liked that my family was different. I thought my mother’s background was exotic and interesting.
We have always teased my mother about her wanting to be WASPY (tall, blonde, blue eyes). I don’t ever recall wishing my mother looked like my friends moms. Maybe in her effort to assimilate to American culture our cultural identity was watered down?? I don’t speak Dutch or Indonesian, I was raised Catholic, most people look at me and are not quite sure of my ethnic background. A few years ago I started making Indonesian food more frequently because I freaked out when I realized my kids did not love the food of my “nurture”. Indonesian food is a lot of work!! I usually only make it on weekends because it is so labor intensive! The kids don’t like everything I make, but they like most of it. For the record, and not to deny my father’s Irish heritage and we celebrate that too!
So how does my experience impact my thoughts on being a transracial family? Well I can say I am Asian too, but I am not Chinese. If I were suddenly to find myself living in Indonesia I am sure I would feel like a fish out of water. Much like our daughters may feel one day when and if they return to China. The little box I check on a form indicating my racial background is one part of who I am but it certainly doesn’t completely define who I am. I hope that I can teach Sophie that being Chinese is a part of who she is, but there will be so many more things that will help define who she is become….
Labels: Thoughts
