Saturday, March 03, 2007

What Do You Mean I'm Not White???

Connie and Kristine have both posted some interesting things on being a transracial family. This is an interesting topic to me for many different reasons. First let me share a story with you.

My mother was born in Indonesia and is of Indonesian/Dutch descent on her mothers’ side and Indonesian and Turkish decent on her father’s side. Here is a picture of my mother.



My mother is listed as white on my birth certificate. She is not white. She is biracial maybe? Or Asian. How in the world those nuns at the hospital got away with listing my little brown skinned mother with almond eyes as white I will never know!! But for whatever reason I never considered my mother not white, or myself for that matter! I am not kidding. When I was growing up, not white meant that you were either black/African American or Hispanic. In the part of the northeast where I grew up there were cities and towns predominately populated by one ethnic group. Chicopee was mostly people of Polish decent, the south end was Italian, Hungry Hill was Irish, Ludlow was Portuguese, the North End Puerto Rican. It wasn’t until I was twenty-five years old when someone said to me directly that I wasn’t white! An African American coworker and I were talking about our families and I mentioned my mothers ethnic background to which she replied “Your not white!” I have to be honest and say this was a shock to me. I told her that yes I was white. My Dad is a tall really white Irish guy, and my Mom is Asian. She looked at me like I had lost my mind. I just kind of stood there not knowing what to say. I never considered being Asian as not being white?!?!

As a family we celebrated all the usual American holidays, We went to my Oma’s (Grandmothers) but instead of turkey or ham we had Indonesian food. On July 4th we had chicken and beef sate, rice and curry veggies. I always loved this food, and as a child I liked that my family was different. I thought my mother’s background was exotic and interesting.

We have always teased my mother about her wanting to be WASPY (tall, blonde, blue eyes). I don’t ever recall wishing my mother looked like my friends moms. Maybe in her effort to assimilate to American culture our cultural identity was watered down?? I don’t speak Dutch or Indonesian, I was raised Catholic, most people look at me and are not quite sure of my ethnic background. A few years ago I started making Indonesian food more frequently because I freaked out when I realized my kids did not love the food of my “nurture”. Indonesian food is a lot of work!! I usually only make it on weekends because it is so labor intensive! The kids don’t like everything I make, but they like most of it. For the record, and not to deny my father’s Irish heritage and we celebrate that too!

So how does my experience impact my thoughts on being a transracial family? Well I can say I am Asian too, but I am not Chinese. If I were suddenly to find myself living in Indonesia I am sure I would feel like a fish out of water. Much like our daughters may feel one day when and if they return to China. The little box I check on a form indicating my racial background is one part of who I am but it certainly doesn’t completely define who I am. I hope that I can teach Sophie that being Chinese is a part of who she is, but there will be so many more things that will help define who she is become….

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9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you mean we are not white???? I think I was a bit younger when Craig told me this.

8:28 AM  
Blogger TBG Happenings said...

Of course your white Patti....you don't tan! LoL

Love ya!

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do tan!!! For a big laugh....My girls don't think they are white because they have a brown Oma!!LOL

8:41 AM  
Blogger t~ said...

I never understood the point of checking that little box. You made some very good points on this subject and I am sure your experience and background will only help Sophie figure out who she is one day. I totally agree, that box does not define who you are. Great post!

9:05 AM  
Blogger C's Mom said...

So well said!

That box addresses a part of who we are but, exactly, not anywhere near all of it.

In appearance, I could never be anything BUT white. I don't think there are many more fair-skinned women on the planet than me. I finally gave up on ever hoping for any shade of a tan ;0) I yam what I yam as Popeye would say. I'm 'mautre' enough to be settled with that now rather than wishing for anything else. That's how I want my girl to feel too. Just fine with who she is.

12:00 PM  
Blogger aimeeg said...

As others said, that little box to check can really be a complex thing for so many people. Not everyone fits neatly into some predetermined category, and I certainly wouldn't want everyone to!

5:07 PM  
Blogger Headmeister said...

Well said... Coming from a very white family that has married (many differnt times and ways) into the African-American community (and for the record, all my family, especially the black members, call themselves Black and not AA. I just think it's weird to think that saying "Black" has a negative connotation to some... but I mean do disrespect, ever...), we never think of ourselves as being separate or different. It's when we are asked to define our outward selves that forces us to become different, at least to us. I hope that coming from the background I had, my daughters life will be easier - at least in the family.

Maryellen, BTW - email me so I can send you a quick fix for your header getting cut off in IE7...

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It took me a long time to be comfortable in my skin.Especially in the 1960's with all the racial problems. I have checked the little block that offers the choice "other" and often when I explain my heritage, people are amazed. I tell them, "You should see my kids and grandkids. They are gorgeous!" Now. the students is my class think that I am unique and they are right. We all are unique. Each and everyone of us. Just think how boring it would be if we all looked alike. Maryellen, you are perfect the way you are and Sophie will fit right in with all of us. Love you sweetie.

9:14 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Shawn has a very mixed background too but I am a blue-eyed, blond with Irish/Scottish heritage. I think that his experiences of coming to Canada as a child and dealing with "being different" will give Isabel the support she needs. By the way, I LOVE Shawn's mother's cooking and we eat Guyanese food just as we eat all types of Asian food - always have. I love our multi-cultural family!!!!!! PS, you have the sweetest family!!!!!

11:50 PM  

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