A Special Need
Sophie's referral picture June '07
What a week in the China adoption world! Let’s hope that with the CCAA removing their information box agencies will get more information…..one can hope.
With the wait getting longer I wanted to talk to all you waiting families about special needs adoptions. First let me say that it is perfectly ok to consider adopting a special needs child because the wait has become insanely long. There I said it. Do I think that should be the only reason, certainly not, but if the wait has given you pause to consider a child with a special need …..Why not! In some ways I think that the wait has been the best thing for children in China who will NOT be adopted domestically because of a special need. More families around the world have opened their hearts to children with various special needs. Many of these children may not have found their family had the wait stayed at 8-9 months. We were added to our agency waiting family list one month after our LID backing ’06. The climbing wait definitely was a factor, but it was also something that we had talked about and gone back and forth discussing. I can’t imagine not having our Sophie. If the wait had been shorter this crazy, funny, smart and loving girl would not be sleeping next to me. Sophie was on another agency list back in December of last year. Her information was posted several times on the WC yahoo board. Unfortunately she had to wait longer for us to find her and bring her home, and I hate that. But I am grateful that we found each other. Her file was sent back to the CCAA in January ’07 and in June her file was sent to our agency.
Only you can decide what special needs you can handle. Only you know if you would be able to handle the costs of surgeries and therapy if that is needed. We carefully considered each special need on our agency list, and were honest about what we could handle as a family and as parents. We considered Sophie’s special need to be manageable for our family. It has not been easy, but it certainly has not been harder than we expected. Her prognosis for a long and healthy life is excellent.
Love without Boundaries has produced an informational CD about the various special needs most commonly found in China adoptions. The disc is $10 and once LWB gets their site up again you should be able to order the disc.
Adoption like birth provides no guarantees. If you feel the tug of your agency special needs program, take a chance….you may just find your daughter.
Sophie’s special need was us; our special need was Sophie.
posted by TBG Happenings at 8:58 PM
14 Comments:
Love your post...
When we started our amazing journey we didn't know anything about SN.. then I starting finding blogs with SN childeren.. so I emailed my agency.. and come to find out.. they do not do SN.. I don't understand.. but she said if we choose to go that route we would have to find another agency..
SO we are in for the long haul...
Sophie is sooo adorable...
Thanks for sharing your information..
I've been toying with the idea of just simply asking my agency how they handle SN. Not sure if it's even a possibility for me. But I may consider it at some point if it is.
That has everything to do with Sophie and Maddy. I wasn't educated about SN when I started this and the thought terrified me. Especially doing it alone. But now that I know these two girls, it has made me re-think what I'm capable of.
Beautifully said and I concur with everything in your post. I think the same thing every time I look at Lillie.
And you are right - Sophie is perfect for your family. (Though I can't tell that to Lillie - despite trying to steal all Sophie's toys, Sophie has been "My Sophie" to Lillie ever since our visit! It cracks me up)
Maryellen you may not have known it at the time, but you were one of the greatest helps to us when we went with the sn program. We might not have gotten Emily if it weren't for you and all the great advice....just wanted to say Thank you, and to anyone out there...our daughter is what they refer to as a heart baby...and she definetly has ours........
What an amazing post!! I couldn't have said it better myself. I totally agree with you too about it not being a sin for switching to SN if the wait has become to unbearable. Afterall.. perhaps SN is where you are REALLY supposed to be in the first place.. We, like you, started out NSN and within a month of being logged in with China joined our agencies Waiting Family List for SN. It took almost a year for them to choose us for Maddy but we know the choice was absolutely Perfect! I can't imagine our lives without her!
Wonderful! Your honesty is refreshing.
There are issues here as to why we can't switch. We have a plan and we are sticking to it. It does not make me happy but this adoption is about the 2 of us. My heart is open...and will be filled one day.
Keep smilin!
I just love a good dose of honesty and truth! As we've discussed, you know how my agency handles SN, so though we are open and have put our 'sn request' in writing, it just has not happened yet. I need to further educate myself on more SN. Where's the disc you were sending?
Thank you for this post. You have NO IDEA what it is doing to my heart right now. We have talked on and off for about 6 mnths now about the SN list thru our agency (LH) and just committed last week that January and February would be our months to commit to pray about it. (Our church is planning a focused time of prayer and fasting for corporate and personal direction at the end of this month.)
Initial reaction from friends and family has been mixed. It's tough to talk to those outside of the IA community, as their perception of SN is often way more drastic than those found in China. I am fighting tears right now as I respond to your post. Thank you again.
We have much to consider and much to pray for - and much to look forward to, no matter what conclusion we come to. But the support offered in ways like this post and others' stories is immeasurable. I'll be coming back to this post again and again. Thank you.
Mary Ellen,
I couldn't agree with you more. That was a very well written post. It is hard to imagine that we would STILL be waiting - Dec 29, 2005 was our LID, but we have been home for over a year. When we switched over to SN the wait was still 8 to 10 months, and Li Li just happened upon us and she was perfect. I cannot imagine any other child sleeping in her room.
I can hardly wait for Li Li to meet Sophie!
I certainly have looked at that route. Unfortunately, with my agency, it is difficult to 'compete' as a single. The kiddos without very significant impairments on my agency list are snapped up in two seconds flat. Great for the kiddos. Great for families.
I have recently asked my agency about a CCAA direct match with a particular SN but I'm not sure how that will work if at all.
So, for me, it isn't for lack of trying.
Your last line touched my heart. This is a wonderful post. We have discussed it several times, I think it is time to bring up the subject again.
I love this post!
I originally wanted to go SN from the beginning, but DH was too scared (or shall I say terrified) of being a parent to a perfectly healthy child to go the SN route. He promised me that as long as we adopted our fist as NSN, then he was fine with SN for our second. Even with the wait, he's still on the NSN bandwagon, and since it was a family decision, I'm following it. But oh, how I poured over those SN lists (when my agency still posted them!)...
Your Sophie girl is definitely special, and it has nothing to do with her medical needs...
I love this post - and I couldn't agree with you more.
My SN request wasn't met in the end, but (now) I couldn't imagine things any other way.
If China allows me back in the future, I will (again) go the SN route.
THANK YOU for posting this! I have been trying to think of ways to promote SN adoption for months now - but I figured I'd better wait until we were actually parents ;) so that I can at least sound informed, not just educated! After we bring our daughter home, I'm hoping to publish some articles on the subject.
I am SO glad that you posted about this.
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