Sunday, July 23, 2006

Running out of steam on this subject...

I was planning on raving about intrusive questions that strangers tend to ask families who have adopted children from other countries. Really, I picked a title for my post and everything. "Who ever said there was no such thing as a stupid question ?" But after ranting about this all week, and even stirring the pot on my "liberal" adoptive parents board I am tired. I guess Chris and I are the type of people who don't ask lots of personal questions of strangers or newly introduced people. Ok, maybe I will blog about this after all.....sorry Patti, I know I have driven you crazy with this:) The first question people tend to ask us is why are we adopting? Kind of personal I guess, and hard to answer. We came to this decision together as a family, but there are lots of reasons why this is the right time for us to grow our family. I still have not come up with a suitable short answer yet. What would happen if someone asked me and I told them I was unable to have anymore children and this is how we wanted to add children to our family?? Would that person suddenly feel like a dope for asking such a personal question ?? People ask for lots of advice on the yahoo adoption boards, and they are a great source of info. But I have to tell you I am amazed weekly about things that people will say and ask families with children from China ( and I am sure any other country where the child is racially different from the parents). The grocery store line seems to be the place for complete strangers to ask personal questions ( its ok for someone to ask how old your child is....I am not a total nut), such as is her father Chinese, how much did she cost ( Not kidding), does she speak Chinese ( particularly an odd question when the child in question is a baby who still takes 2 naps a day etc). I am not sure how nicely I will be able to handle these types of questions from strangers, I realize that it is important for me to model appropriate behavior, but I also have a responsibility to protect my children from rude and invasive questions. And I honestly think I will be able to tell the difference between someone who is interested in international adoption and someone who is just being nosy because the grocery line it too long. Oh well, I was a lot more fired up about this in the beginning of the week.

4 Comments:

Blogger Heather said...

I've been practicing the "Death glare." As in, ask me another stupid question, and I might light you on fire death glare.

The cost one really bothers me. I tell people it's no different than giving birth, we just don't have the luxury of insurance paying for it all. That shuts them right up when they realize it's really the same thing. No one asks how much a C-section costs!

H

8:23 AM  
Blogger TBG Happenings said...

Heather,
I knew that you and I would be on the same page on this one!!

Maryellen

8:46 AM  
Blogger Mom, MOM! said...

Oh, yeah, you will know who is just being nosy. Trust me.

And to your other commenter, Heather: YES!!! Death Glare!!! Death Glare good.

You can counter, if you are feeling feisty, by asking if they have or are related to any kids. Then follow up by asking what THAT cost. Then when they say it was free, you can roll your eyes and say that is exactly how insurance rates got so high.

Or: DEATH GLARE!

Blog on!

Mom, MOM!

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maryellen, just look at the person and ask how much their childeren cost and say "You seem so interested in adoptions, if you give me your number or address I would be happy to spend an hour or so giving you all the information you may want to do the same." Guarantee, he person will look at you and shut up!! and this is from your mother that talks to everybody in line... Love you and so proud of you and your family...

11:34 AM  

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